Before I begin writing about my journey with anxiety (which is quite frankly something that has yet to go away), I want to say thank you for reading and even clicking on this website. The very thing I’m writing about has crippled me into not doing so many things in my life. Whether that be making friends or fun shit like clubs, or just doing whatever it was I wanted to do, anxiety has left me overthinking and stopping me before I’ve even started.
I wanted to use this opportunity of creating a website and creating a blog about my battle with anxiety to help those who are either in a similar situation to me, on the other side (dealing with anxiety their own way) or who are starting to figure out that they might just have anxiety…haha what a bummer! No I’m joking, it’s something that many people have and the whole point of me going on this huge tangent is that I’m one of them and you’re not alone. You will find a way of dealing with anxiety whether that be through your own methods or by using the advice I’m about to grace your magnificent eyes with. Bit of flattery never hurts.
Without further ado, let’s bloody get it.
Although this is the last stage in the so called “Five stages of grief” this was the first step for me to be able to finally start dealing with my anxiety. After accepting this fact, it allowed me to look at it from less of a doom and gloom POV, less of a “what the hell is wrong with me” POV, less of a “you’re just a pussy” POV and more of a self-accepting, self-worth POV. From here I was able to do research into other people’s advice of how to handle anxiety, listen to other people’s experiences and recognise the common factors that I feel when I am experiencing anxiety.
Anxiety can take many forms, these can be mental or physical and alter your state in one way or another. For me, I’ve noticed anxiety in the following patters: An increase in OCD tendencies (just a note, I have never been diagnosed with either anxiety or OCD by a professional which is all a part of the denial thing), physical pain mostly directed towards my stomach and the immediate fear that everything is going to go wrong.
Once I understood that these were all caused by anxiety, I was able to link these common patterns, allowing me to understand that everything only seems worse that it actually is and this feeling of dread will absolutely pass. This feeling of dread is the worse that it is going to get, you aren’t going to die. Your body is experiencing a natural “flight or fight” response and it has decided to tell your brain that you are in danger. You are not in danger. Once your body realises this, the anxiety and the adrenaline will pass. Just going through it at the time is a real pain in the ass and it is calming to know that it will NOT get any worse than how you are currently feeling. Take a moment to realise you are at the height of your anxiety right now and nothing bad or worse than this will happen.
A really great book that I recommend and the basis for where I first came to understand these ideas written above is “Anxiety: Panicking about Panic” by Joshua Fletcher. He shares his personal battle with anxiety and it has helped me a lot to understand what I’m going through and not fear it.
Slow down. Be yourself. People like you for you. Be friendly. Be calm and carry on (for all you British out there – chewsday! Haha losers (I’m British)).
This phrase “Slow down, be yourself” is so simple yet holds such a strong truth. It has saved me on so many occaisions I genuinely cannot count them. When I feel as though I’m losing control, everything in that moment seems to be happening so bloody quickly. I stop listening, my heart rate goes up and thoughts rush through my head at an extraordinary rate. It is at this point, I start to think “Ah shit this person doesn’t like me, I’m being annoying”. Stop. Take a deep breath and I remember; “Slow down, be yourself”. Suddenly these fears begin to dissapate . You mustn’t forget that you have had years of growing and learning just from being alive. Give yourself a little credit please, you’re fucking awesome. Everyone else thinks so, so why don’t you??
It is a good idea to have a couple of methods to help in the “immediate” and the “future” moments of anxiety.
For example, when I can feel myself panicking, I crack out the “immediate” response. This is a two fold method:
1. Breathe, relax, concentrate. Take deep, meaningful breaths and release the tension in your shoulders. Count to ten with a mississippi between each number and repeat this step until you can think straight again.
2. Self-affirmation. I repeat the following phrase in my head “you are confident and you deserve to be here”. Just keep repeating this in your head. Weirdly, this method actually works. When you start to repeat this and start to believe it, it becomes true. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy and it works both ways. There’s no benefit to telling yourself you’re not good enough, literally none, so you might as well do the opposite and go full confident mode as there are unbelievale benefits to this. Social skills especially,
It’s such an odd thing – the less you try to make someone like you, the more likely they are to like you. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should make everyone we encounter in our lives like us. Unfortunately, that is simply not going to happen. You will come across those who are jealous, calous and downright mean but this should not change who you are. You natrually gravitate towards those of a similar nature. You don’t need to be someone else. Ever. It’s bloody exhausting to do that anyway. It’s unsustainable and it chips away at you. Avoid this by slowing down, breathing and being YOU.
As corny as it sounds, you are the best at being you. You are the only you there is. There will not be another you and there has never been another you. You are a you professional. So be you! Is that too many yous? Yes, but shut up I don’t care. As long as the message has been delivered that’s all that matters.
It’s easy to let things build up and eventually overwhelm you. I experience it all the time. Whether it be a list of things that are time sensitive at work, things you need to do over the weekend or upcoming plans, anxiety can muiltiply the gravity of these tasks and make them seem impossible. This point links to the above mentioned, “future” response.
Take things one step at a time. You can only do so much. Whether you believe you were created by a god, designed by nature or you suddenly just spawned in, the human mind can only deal with so much. The human body can only do so much. You aren’t a superhero, you aren’t a god. You don’t have to be the best. I was listening to a book on Audible by a gentleman called Mark Manson titled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” (and if you’ve stumbled across this blog then there is a high possibility you have heard of this book) and during one of his points he makes it clear that you do not have to be the best. What’s wrong with living your life how you want to? As long as you give your all, successful or not, it doesn’t matter. At least you bloody tried and that’s a lot more than many other people can say.
What are the things that you NEED to do? What are the things that are unavoidable? Do those first. And do them one step at a time. There will always be more time than you think. The sun will rise in the morning and set in the evening. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you end up over working and blowing up your brain. Simplify EVERYTHING. This has helped me do what I need to do tenfold. I completely understand, everything can become so complicated in your head. The most simple tasks become hard, overthought and therefore feel impossible. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Need to pee? Go pee. Hungry? Eat. Got an assignment due? Make a start by writing a sentence, that’s all you need to do to start. Don’t put it off until the last minute like I did out of fear of starting it. To coin a phrase by my boy Shia and Nike “Just do it”. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT let anxiety rule your life. Your life is yours and yours alone.
I did not enjoy university. No siree. Didn’t make any friends till about second year when COVID hit and then I went home. Looking back, it is now clear to me that I had crippling anxiety throughout University. The fear and worry that I felt about the prospect of leaving my room caused me so much internal pain and dread that often times I would give in and allow myself to wallow there, alone. I had opportunities to change this, plenty, but I always turned them down. Something was stopping me from changing.
I’m not quite sure how I got to this point but I hated myself. I would turn up 40 minutes late to pretty much every morning lecture too scared that everything was going to go wrong. I felt weak, I felt like a massive weirdo and worst of all, I didn’t do anything about it.
I’ve spent countless hours worrying and fretting over tiny little things, overthinking the most miniscule detail about something….what a waste! What an absolute and utter waste of time. Life is not endless. I honestly believe that time is the single most precious thing in life. Money will go up and down, you will change as a person losing and gaining people throughout your life, but time? You can never get it back, and I’ve spent so much of it feeling anxious and feeling scared, unbelievable.
This can change. You can change this. Once you realise that life is what you make of it, you can internally change your perspective on life. I use this method when I’m feeling bogged down or down on my luck. Remember to enjoy it! Be thankful for what you’ve got instead of afraid of what could (and most likely won’t) happen. Remember to appreciate what you have before it’s gone.
Use these moments in your past and learn from them. Use that negative experience to create new and positive ones. You think I’m gonna waste what time I’ve got left? Hell no. I’m gonna bloody enjoy myself whilst I still can. It may seem slightly morbid but it works. This isn’t a threat by any means….but you haven’t got a lot of time left. That sounds bad. What I mean is life is short, make it your bitch.
Wow what a powerful title! So bold so brash. It’s true and it’s not true, let me explain. Realistically, when you boil it down, nothing matters. Okay hear me out. In the grand scheme of things, you worrying about how your hair looks to a rando on the street is not going to stop the sun from setting. You won’t stop Putin from invading a neighbouring country. You are a small speck on a massive rock in an endless space. It doesn’t matter! Do what you want! Live how you want! Do NOT break the law. (This is not an “okay” to do something bad. Just don’t be an insane person is what I’m saying. Please.) Wear that awful t-shirt if you want, dye your hair fucking blue, proclaim your love for cabbage…idk, live how you want to live.
It is so so easy to get caught up thinking that one decision is going to be the end of the world and I know, believe me, it can feel like it. I studied languages at uni and went abroad for my final year. What did I do instead of living my best life in the sun with beautiful people and beautiful food? Bloody sat in my room all day didn’t I. Sat there scared of making a mistake. Scared of trying to talk and fucking up my words. Scared of being out of shape. Scared of getting lost. Scared of being scared.
This point links back to my previous one above, there was alooootta wasted time here. And I mean allooottt. I often use this to spur me on when I’m feeling anxious. Don’t focus on the WHAT, focus on the WHY. For example, don’t focus on the interview, focus on the fact it’s a means to get a job. Don’t focus on the fact you have to drive, focus on the fact you are driving to meet your friends. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE WHY.
It’s useful to have reminders of how you felt during one of your lowest points. For example, the song “As it was” by Harry Styles had just come out whilst I was abroad and it was playing EVERYWHERE. Whenever I hear this song I almost get snapped out of my current thought train, reminded just how fucking shit I felt at the time and encouraged to not go through that feeling again.
Finally, I’d like to finish by saying that you are not alone in this. You are not alone in this battle. It may feel as though your world is crumbling around you and it may feel like unless you deal with this alone, you’re weak. This is how I felt and why I denied that anything was going on for so long. I genuinely believe that this neglect of anxiety ruined my first relationship and this only served to worsen my anxiety. I didn’t want to know anything about it, I didn’t want to accept that I could be vulnerable and as a result of this, it got worse and worse until I knew that I had to make a change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with researching, reading, listening to audiobooks, writing blogs/diary entries about anxiety and coming to terms with your weaknesses. Only from here can you build your strengths and learn how to deal with your problems. In most cases, it won’t just go away. The best way I found to deal with anxiety was through learning and understanding it and therefore, now that I have learnt what works for me, I can share my experiences with you to hopefully help you do the same.
My hope is that you can then take what you’ve learnt here and help another who is struggling to get through this.
Take a step back and realise, it is not all about you (in the nicest way possible). Your friends, family, co-workers or a bloody rando on the bus may have felt what you have felt or currently is feeling the same fear and anxiety as you. Knowing this is not nice, but it makes you understand that you are NOT alone.
I haven’t got a Youtube channel or any social media attached to this, only this blog about what I have learnt in my years of living. This is all information that I have either learnt from others or learnt myself.
If you haven’t already, you will come to the realisation that you never stop learning. Whether you like it or not. There have been coutnless times in my life where I think I’ve cracked it when in actuality I haven’t even touched the surface. Anxiety included. So this blog is not scripture and this is not the only answer out there. Listen to others and find your own because I have a lot left to learn.
I hope that this has helped you in some way or another. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a lovely rest of your day and you know what, life.